was it worth it

i heard what was said on your blog... about you being with vaughn for "years"... so what was us? just time away from him? were feelings even real? dont tell me shit anymore cause i dont know if i believe you anymore. was my time worth it? if it made you grow then im glad. but was i just someone to make you realize vaughn was the one? i told you to go back. i didnt know you well enough before and i still dont know if i know you well enough now. would you really have gone back to him if you wanted to? cause you did in the end. it bugs me that you said something like that cause im not some piece of trash or an experiment... some person to make someone realize im not the one. its happened with jenn and its happened with you. i have so much respect for the friends you introduced me to cause now they understand what im going through or what i went through. it sucks... just so you know.... it fuckin hurts more than anything you have done to me. dont compare cause i had 10 whole months of lies and deceit. dont you dare compare....

better late than never

today i saw an episode of one tree hill and it involved a flashback of payton and julius dating. julius saw that payton was reading her ex luca's book all the time. something kept her with him. julius saw this and ended it as soon as he saw the book in her bag when they were about to leave for vacation.

this is similar to my situation... thing is julius saw this first before i did. i saw it after things have ended, he ended it because he saw it. so many people have told me it wasnt fair for me but no one was willing to tell me at the time. i had to figure it out myself. im done, im doing this for myself...

well whenever u read this... ull understand some things..

if ur upset at me, thats fine. we dont txt each other or talk anymore cause i dont want to bug. thats my choice. i dont want to bug and i dont want to hurt anymore. we both said we needed to restart and grow together but i felt like i couldnt cause of him. i cant cause he's in the picture. i just couldnt do it... hurt too much and i guess i got too comfortable with the thought that we'd grow together all the time but that was me being naive.

i dont know ur reasons but it was ur choice not to contact me either. i hope u can be happy with him. im sure u can/will/are